I almost died last night…

Spoiler alert: I am still alive so, sorry about the anti-climactic-ness of this story. But yes, last night could have well been the end of my short little life and here is why…

Actually, let me rewind a bit… as you all know, I don’t watch scary movies. I also don’t watch scary movie trailers, or commercials or basically anything that will lead me to believe (even more so than I already do) that something is bound to be living in our attic, or a ghost is haunting our house, or it’s inevitable that murderers and rapist will attack me in the night. I am what some may refer to as “a chicken”, and I concur.

Jared leaves once a month for 4-5 days to work in their Dallas office… and As I am writing this, I have a completely irrational fear that this will open up doors to burglars and contract killers. That they now will have access to vital information regarding Jared’s where-abouts and if they weren’t going to come kill me a moment ago, they sure as hell will now! They probably all read this blog, clearly a reasonable fear.

So anyways… There are a number of things I do while Jared is out of town on his monthly trip to Dallas. I meet Leah for cocktails and gossip. I pick up rotisserie chicken and cheap red wine. I take bubble baths and scrapbook (not at the same time, what a disaster that would be). I also do all the very unglamorous things that I still don’t want Jared to see me do. Oh honey, of course I wake up with a hairless lip, perfectly shaped eyebrows and white teeth! Sheesh, who do you think I am? And, last but not least, every month I catch up on horribly genius shows like SYTTD, Intervention, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

My night started just like it did the night before last. I got home, played with Bella a bit, poured myself a glass of 337 cab, put together a sad excuse of a dinner, turned on a rerun of HIMYM and pulled out my little Caboodle of nail polish. Okay so not exactly like the night before but the wine part was the same. After an hour or so of buffing and polishing (I tried those new sticker polish thingys, easy to use but I look like I should be in the back seat of my mother's suburban eagerly awaiting a drop off at the Beiber concert), I was ready to clean up and head for bed.  Back to my nails for a second… here is a picture. Warning, don’t look if you tend to get migraines, have epilepsy, or just generally hate rainbows and unicorns.  They are intense. I spent like $9 on these damn things though, so I am keeping them on for at least a week. Next time I will buy the solids.

Back to my real life horror film...

We started to make the rounds, Bella and I- turning off the lights and folding up blankets, when I notice that the back door is unlocked. I haven’t been back there since Sunday, so I know it wasn’t me who unlocked it. As soon as I notice this, I also notice Bella, hair standing up, in guard stance. Immediately we start making the rounds, ‘cause it’s so completely obvious someone is in the house. Only reasonable explanation. We wandered around for a good 15 minutes looking for signs of an intruder but no dice, phew! The only other thought was that they were hiding in the attic. Our attic doors happen to be in our closet, and another in our hallway. In my terror I rigged up some Christmas bells to the door, that belonged to an old wreath.  Along with my curling iron cord wrapped up around one door handle, and straightener around the other to insure I would awake if that bastard tried to come and get me. The perp would be trapped by Christmas spirit and hair accessories.

Suffice to say, I survived the night. Curled up in a little ball, holding on to Bella we made it long enough to watch the sunrise and live another day.