I almost died last night…

Spoiler alert: I am still alive so, sorry about the anti-climactic-ness of this story. But yes, last night could have well been the end of my short little life and here is why…

Actually, let me rewind a bit… as you all know, I don’t watch scary movies. I also don’t watch scary movie trailers, or commercials or basically anything that will lead me to believe (even more so than I already do) that something is bound to be living in our attic, or a ghost is haunting our house, or it’s inevitable that murderers and rapist will attack me in the night. I am what some may refer to as “a chicken”, and I concur.

Jared leaves once a month for 4-5 days to work in their Dallas office… and As I am writing this, I have a completely irrational fear that this will open up doors to burglars and contract killers. That they now will have access to vital information regarding Jared’s where-abouts and if they weren’t going to come kill me a moment ago, they sure as hell will now! They probably all read this blog, clearly a reasonable fear.

So anyways… There are a number of things I do while Jared is out of town on his monthly trip to Dallas. I meet Leah for cocktails and gossip. I pick up rotisserie chicken and cheap red wine. I take bubble baths and scrapbook (not at the same time, what a disaster that would be). I also do all the very unglamorous things that I still don’t want Jared to see me do. Oh honey, of course I wake up with a hairless lip, perfectly shaped eyebrows and white teeth! Sheesh, who do you think I am? And, last but not least, every month I catch up on horribly genius shows like SYTTD, Intervention, and My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

My night started just like it did the night before last. I got home, played with Bella a bit, poured myself a glass of 337 cab, put together a sad excuse of a dinner, turned on a rerun of HIMYM and pulled out my little Caboodle of nail polish. Okay so not exactly like the night before but the wine part was the same. After an hour or so of buffing and polishing (I tried those new sticker polish thingys, easy to use but I look like I should be in the back seat of my mother's suburban eagerly awaiting a drop off at the Beiber concert), I was ready to clean up and head for bed.  Back to my nails for a second… here is a picture. Warning, don’t look if you tend to get migraines, have epilepsy, or just generally hate rainbows and unicorns.  They are intense. I spent like $9 on these damn things though, so I am keeping them on for at least a week. Next time I will buy the solids.

Back to my real life horror film...

We started to make the rounds, Bella and I- turning off the lights and folding up blankets, when I notice that the back door is unlocked. I haven’t been back there since Sunday, so I know it wasn’t me who unlocked it. As soon as I notice this, I also notice Bella, hair standing up, in guard stance. Immediately we start making the rounds, ‘cause it’s so completely obvious someone is in the house. Only reasonable explanation. We wandered around for a good 15 minutes looking for signs of an intruder but no dice, phew! The only other thought was that they were hiding in the attic. Our attic doors happen to be in our closet, and another in our hallway. In my terror I rigged up some Christmas bells to the door, that belonged to an old wreath.  Along with my curling iron cord wrapped up around one door handle, and straightener around the other to insure I would awake if that bastard tried to come and get me. The perp would be trapped by Christmas spirit and hair accessories.

Suffice to say, I survived the night. Curled up in a little ball, holding on to Bella we made it long enough to watch the sunrise and live another day. 

Look Mom, I am really doing it!

My third day of Insanity and I legitimately fell out of bed this morning. Here is what happened:

Me: Oh, what a beautiful morning, let me jump up and get in the shower!

My Legs: F you.

So, I think it’s working. It is so intense, but I kinda love it. I think I am hooked. It is full of jumps, and kicks and punching imaginary attackers!! Which keeps it fun, yet gasping for mercy! I feel a little bit like a new little filly trying to walk, mixed with someone who got a terribly aggressive Thai massage. In the best way possible.

Here is what I read prior to my workout last night: http://blog.extremefitnessresults.com/product-reviews/insanity-workout-reviews/insanity-workout-reviews-2/insanity-review-plyometric-cardio-circuit/ As you can imagine, I was shakin’ in my wedges.

For some reason I tend to think that if I am not sore, and can easily walk to and fro without wincing in pain I didn’t workout hard enough. Welp, this is not the case, and therefore I am one happy camper!

Here are my three whole days of Insanity in a nut shell…

Day 1: Fitness test, 25 minutes. I almost died. Then I got really down on myself for almost passing away, read a bunch of reviews about other people that almost passed away, felt better about myself and got excited about day 2.

Day 2: Plyometric Cardio Circuit. Holy shit, I have never needed more water, or extra fans in my house more so than I did for these 42 minutes. I took a lot of breaks, at one point almost threw up, and at the end had a smile from ear to ear that I got through it.

Day 3: Cardio Power and Resistance. This one was FUN! I am either addicted to the endorphins or a glutton for punishment. I did this one at the gym on my lunch break, in front of the fan and the clock and loved it. Well, not at the time, but afterwards when I have a tiny sense of empowerment and pride, I love it. I’m sure I looked like a hot mess going back to work, but oh well totally worth it.

And that’s it. That is as far as I have gotten. I will keep you posted on progress. Pretty sure this bod will be bikini ready by Friday ;)

Gotta start somewhere...

My very first blog! Yipee!!

I have to be honest, this wasn't my idea. My husband Jared has been telling me I should "blog" for almost a year now. He claims he likes the way I write, but really I think he is trying to get in my pants. Honey, we are married now - I'm a sure thing. :)

Either way, here I am writing my very first post. So, if this things turns out to be a stroke of genius please give me a little credit, and if instead it is one huge pile of epic-failure-ness it was all Jared's idea.

A little about myself: Well, first of all, writing an ABOUT ME is not my forte. How do you even begin that? Um, I am 27, college educated, Caucasian female, dual income household... Okay, I feel like I am filling out my damn taxes. Ok, scratch the ABOUT ME, who cares...

I decided to entertain the idea today about the time I realized I needed to hold myself accountable for working out. My gf Kristin lent me her "Insanity" DVD's and I thought it "Sane" to take her up on the gesture. Instead of doing what I normally do i.e. buying the whole pack for more money than I make in a week, doing them once, then miserably giving up, I would start a blog to help me stay on track. The thought of a workout blog though, made me a little uneasy. I don't even like to track my own progress, let alone someone else's, so why on earth would anyone want to read mine?

Hmm, what else am I good for? I like to be crafty, sew, travel and do all kinds of girly, and not so girly things. However, rather than share with the entire internet world what our lives look like behind the silver lining of Facebook pictures, why not post about what I enjoy most? Hey, if nothing else, I will print out this little-blog-that-could in a year or so and have it as a wonderful reminder of the first year of our marriage.

Alas, I decided to blog about my life. Life as a newlywed, trying to start a family. Life as two wino's that enjoy food, friends and family. Life as a young woman, trying to keep her head above water, and her ass on the treadmill. Life; going from one bottle, to the next.

Okay bloggers near and far... or in my case, Mom... stay tuned, more posts to come.